Why Chinese mothers are(n't) superior.

I have no opinion on Chinese mothers themselves. But I definitely have an opinion on this essay, "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior".

Her argument hinges on this point:

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it."

Is she right? Well, let me think about some things I've enjoyed in my own life:

Math: I enjoy it, and I enjoy it because I'm good at it.

Karate: I took karate lessons for ten years. I've earned a black belt, and I solidly enjoyed it. I seem to be making her point for her.

Improv comedy, cooking, chess, guitar, piano, blues dancing, sea kayaking, mountain climbing, bridge, ...: Here I feel that I can shoot down her point with some conviction.

But even then, I have to notice that she's right about a couple of things. In the first place, I enjoyed these things the most when I succeeded. When my fellow students and I pulled off a five-minute skit in improv lessons, or when I played some little piano piece with actual two-part harmony. So I enjoyed these things because I got a little good at them.

But beyond that, all of these activities are things I could get good at, with a lot more effort along the same lines. I enjoy chess precisely because I'm improving, and because I know it would never stop rewarding my efforts. But I enjoy it now, and that wouldn't change if I played my last game tonight.

Let me go one step further:

Math. I said I'm good at it. But actually, by the standards of the company I keep, I'm only good at analytic number theory. (And, if I compare myself to Sound, ..., but let's not go there.) Ravi Vakil advises graduate students to go to research seminars outside their seminar area. And I'm pretty sure he's right.

Now, I'm never going to get good at, say, algebraic geometry unless I take a serious amount of effort away from my other work. Does that mean I shouldn't go to algebraic geometry seminars? I think it doesn't. Ravi's idea is that, although I might not understand most of what is going on, seeing a different perspective on things helps get my internal wheels churning, improves my sense of creativity, imperceptibly teaches me how to do my own work just a little bit better.

And so it is with school plays, sleepovers, and instruments other than the piano and the violin. These things are of value, and of value that you can't always see.